Attitude – Leading Differently

Strangers in Support of Thriving Communities

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”
Blanche DuBois, A Streetcar Named Desire, by Tennessee Williams

I have frequently written about the importance, and primacy of personal relationships when it comes to working for change. I continue to believe that most things that ultimately succeed in this world do so because of personal relationships. There are, however, complementary endeavors that lead to success, and the relationship that makes those work is not interpersonal, but rather it reflects a person’s relationship with their community as a whole.

A number of years ago I was in a work meeting that was winding down, when the subject of LinkedIn came up. For those of you not familiar with LinkedIn, it was created to serve as a “professional” social network. It is not the kind of social site that many people who belong think about, much less check on a regular basis. People you’ve met through work make requests to become part of your list of “connections.” The site identifies varying degrees of connectedness among your connections. Its algorithms also predict that you know lots of people you’ve never heard of.

Anyway, back to the story. Most of the people in the meeting were saying that even though they were not active very on the site, accepting someone’s request to be a connection was a painless way to have a potential bridge to someone who might be a professional contact in the future. Plus, it provided them a tiny bit of validation when someone thought they were important enough to be networked with. Almost everyone agreed, however, that they did in fact have numerous people among their connections who they couldn’t remember, or had any idea how they were currently connected to their work.

Then a woman shared that she had set about the task of weeding out her list of connections on the site. She said that she used one simple question as a determining factor. The question was: If this person asked me to do them a favor, would I do it? If the answer was yes, they stayed on the list. It was her way of turning a confusing, infrequently used, personal network, into more of a trusted personal network.

Our non-professional, offline lives operate a little differently than social media sites. Our community may include relatives, friends, acquaintances, people we know of only by reputation, and strangers (there are probably many more categories, but you get the idea). There are varying levels of connection, and trust exist across and within these categories, but all can, and do bring value to the quality of life in the community.

Community-building, and community development obviously benefit from trusted relationships that result in constructive community engagement. Community engagement and connection, however, also occurs outside of trusted personal relationships. It happens because individuals with few individual connections place their trust in the idea of community itself.

Community engagement can be thought of as people doing a personal favor for the community. You can be a loner, or a hermit, and still value the quality of life created by community. A strong commitment to a place might simply come from the comfort of the familiar, or the lure of some natural feature, or maybe you just want the community to thrive for convenience of not having to go out of town to shop, or get a haircut.

I don’t think one can underestimate the power that an individual’s sense of place holds. As philosopher Patricia Churchland wrote, “Being engaged in some way for the good of the community, whatever that community, is a factor in a meaningful life. We long to belong, and belonging and caring anchors our sense of place in the universe.”

The efforts of strangers can complement, or build upon the work of organized allies. Just because people are not acting as part of your group’s plan, does not devalue their contributions. Maybe they eventually get to know you, maybe not. It doesn’t matter, because you always have a common friend – the community.

The Complex Business of Changing People’s Minds

“Too often we… enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”
John F. Kennedy

At its core, social change leadership is about changing people’s minds. How did you come to have your position on an issue? Was it an event in your personal life? Was it scientific data, or a startling statistic? Did a trusted person convince you?

We can have difficulty knowing exactly how our opinions formed. It is a complicated business. It is usually a combination of factors. It might be strongly-held personal values, or the opinions of people you believe to be knowledgeable, or maybe just gut feelings (see the image below). There are so many filters through which we get information, and form opinions, it is unlikely that an approach relying heavily on data, “facts,” and evidence will be enough to change minds.

Image: Lbeaumont, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Confirmation Bias

Once a person acquires what they know, it can be difficult for them to consider changing their mind. For many people, their stated beliefs have become almost indistinguishable from their identity as a human being. Admitting they are wrong about one issue might make them question everything that they believe. The thought that something made them question something they thought to be true can often motivate them to seek out more arguments to rationalize what they already believe. This is called confirmation bias.

It is important to note that confirmation bias isn’t simply looking for like-minded sources to counter evidence-based arguments. The bias also assumes that the evidence that supports one’s position is more important or valuable, even if it is not supported by data, science, or rigorous analysis. In a world with social media, the biased search for, and interpretation of information is easier than ever. We may recognize that those with opposing views are repeating information from the same limited number of sources.

One key to understanding how you might change minds is to make sure that you are not in an echo chamber yourself. If you want to overcome confirmation bias, and make objective decisions, you must keep an open mind and be willing to be proven wrong. It isn’t enough to know what an adversary believes. You need to find out why they believe it. Challenge yourself to look at things objectively.

Changing the Approach

(Note: I don’t have a degree in rhetoric, or claim expertise in psychology, marketing or any professional field that asserts to have a scientific approach to persuasion. I’m just suggesting a few approaches that community organizers and others have found to be successful.)

You need to change some minds. Screaming, belittling, and drowning people in data doesn’t seem to be working. You may need a radical new approach. As counterintuitive as it might seem, imagine an approach that begins with humility, empathy, and compassion. These are not signs of weakness. They are indicators that you want to enter into a civil exchange where both parties are heard and understood.

It is Necessary to Listen to Individuals

You won’t change minds at a large rally. Rallies are for preaching to the converted. People’s opinions are very personal. As I said earlier, values and beliefs are core parts of an individual’s identity. Your success at changing minds depends on authentic, interpersonal communication. As economist Thomas Sowell put it, “If you want to get each individual’s honest opinion, you don’t want that opinion to be influenced by others who are present, much less allow a group to coordinate what they are going to say.”

Rapoport’s Rules are a good way to structure an honest, respectful, conversation with someone who’s mind you’d like to change. According to RationalWiki, Rapoport’s Rules “. . . are a set of rules intended to encourage productive, critical discourse. In particular, the rules seek to avoid straw man representations of an opponent’s argument and to avoid the backfire effect that criticism often provokes.” There are four general rules:

“You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”
You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
You should mention anything you have learned from your target.
Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.”

You should present choices based on a vision of how things might be. People need choices. Listen to people describe how their opinions reflect, or have an impact on their lives. What assumptions are they starting from? What do they believe that you do not? In what ways are their values reflected in the vision you present? The more you understand that, the more you can use it to your advantage.

Be genuinely curious. Admit your ignorance. Ask them to point you to more information about the larger, remaining points of contention. If they are unable to point you to any “authoritative” source you may be able to plant some seeds of doubt. Ask them if they agree with 50% of your position, or if you are feeling confident, maybe 60%. Try to discover the personal connection they have to the ideas on which you agree.

Evidence and Truth

Bertrand Russell said, “The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd.” If you seek social change, you know that support for the status quo is not usually rooted in evidence-based decision making.

Evidence-based facts are, however, still important. They always matter in courtrooms, and in science. And even though they should also matter in matters of policy and public opinion, for many people evidence does not equal truth. You cannot rely on evidence alone to change people’s minds. You have to be prepared to make emotional appeals. Your success will appeal to shared values and the recognition of the life experiences of those whose minds you seek to change.

Related Resources on This Site

It is important to identify issues that people view as zero-sum questions. (See my article, “Getting Beyond Either/Or,” I look at thinking about ways that adversarial, zero-sum issues might be re-framed to explore productive dialogue around differences of opinion.)

It isn’t necessary or realistic to convince everyone to embrace your point of view. My piece, “Change Happens at the Center,” reminds us that when you’re in the business of changing minds, you are not only talking to people who have dug in their heels in direct opposition to the change you seek. There are undecided people, as well as people whose commitment to the status quo is not necessarily very strong.

Reciprocity

[Note: I originally published this piece on the ABCD in Action website.]

“There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one’s life -reciprocity.”
Confucius

In the world of community-building there may be no concept more important than reciprocity. The acknowledgement of mutual dependence is at the core of a healthy society. Social psychologist, Jonathan Haidt calls it, “the basic currency of social life.”

I realize that anthropologists, and economists have their own definitions, so I want to be clear. I am not defining reciprocity simply as some sort of exchange marketplace. I’m talking about reciprocity as the recognition of the fundamental humanity and value of every member of the community, and the recognition of the interdependence of each community member.

Recognition of mutual benefit is important. You see it demonstrated all the time in thriving communities. People with no school-aged children will vote in favor of school referendums because they understand the value of educating youth. People shop at farmer’s markets, and locally-owned businesses because it sustains community economic development.

A sense of reciprocity is also expressed through volunteerism. According to The Corporation for National & Community Service, one out of four American’s volunteer, two out of three Americans help their neighbor (informal volunteering). These volunteers are almost twice as likely to donate to a charity. To be reciprocal is to look at the world around you through a community lens.

Reciprocity is:

The place where trust resides;
A key to belonging;
A contributor to one’s sense of place;
Generosity of spirit;
The enemy of selfishness; and
A condition that allows each person’s gifts, skills, and talents to be shared and celebrated.

A Few Words About Anger

You are interested in social change. Therefore, I assume that you are probably angry about something, right?

Anger is a powerful emotion. Repressing anger can create stress and anxiety. It has to be expressed. Anger can sometimes result in hopelessness, or in aggression (anger as payback). But, you don’t have to let anger drain you. You can use it energize your belief that the thing making you angry can be changed.

The thing that allows anger to provoke action for positive change is social agency. Social agency is the belief that you have the capacity to act both independently, and with others to change the world around you. It requires a strong sense of self-efficacy. You have to believe that change is possible, and that you have the necessary power to create that change.

We get angry about injustice. Your anger can help you articulate your values. It can motivate you to take a stand, and work for justice. As Aristotle said back in the fourth century B.C.,“. . . the angry man is aiming at what he can attain, and the belief that you will attain your aim is pleasant.” (Rhetoric, Book II – Chapter 2)

Further Reading on This Site

Y ou Always Have Power

Authority Versus Power

More Resources

Anger: A Powerful Force for Empathy and Change by Susana Rinderle

Harnessing anger for social change by Dr Monique Mitchell Turner

Authors: Women’s Anger Is A Catalyst For Societal Change by Shannon Henry Kleiber

Finding Answers in the Grassroots

“Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Logical, sensible solutions frequently come from the people whose lives are most closely affected by the issues you seek to remedy. Their ideas are usually very insightful and rational, because they have experienced first-hand, the inherent flaws in the current strategies to correct those issues.

Many years ago, I was invited to a meeting around strategies for educating “unbanked” immigrants on the perils related to relying on check cashing businesses and other high interest rate opportunists. The meeting was attended by six or seven well-intentioned, white, gray-haired, male bankers and other business types, myself (an employee of an education-related nonprofit organization younger than the others, but also a white male), and finally a Latina woman who was probably also the youngest person in the room in addition to being the only person of color, and only woman.

I was there just in case there might be a role for my organization to play in any action that might be taken, so I mostly listened. The discussion was primarily about financial literacy curriculum. Banks had developed educational materials, but the materials were all in English. There wasn’t anything in the languages of Latin America, Southeast Asia, or East Africa. There also wasn’t much discussion about any strategies other than translating that traditionally developed and delivered curriculum. That is until the only woman in the room finally spoke.

She said (and I’m paraphrasing, but it was this direct, and this succinct), ‘This is what you have to do. You go to churches, or community centers and talk to parents. You tell them that their kids are going to get ripped off by these places. People want to protect their children so they’ll listen. Of course, it is mostly the parents who are getting taken advantage of by these businesses. You educate the parents, and they will educate their children.’

She knew the culture and how to navigate communicating within it. The best solution did not center on ‘experts’ developing curriculum. Rather, it was rooted in human relationships, and parents wanting to understand something better so that they could protect their children.

I have seen this sort of wisdom emerge over and over throughout the years. I once attended a workshop where a man in my affordable housing discussion group said that the rent on his apartment was higher than a house payment would be for a home that would suit his family’s needs. He just didn’t have the money to make a down payment sufficient for a bank to give him a loan on a house. He wasn’t an economist, but he knew a solution to increasing his low-income family’s wealth by getting equity in a house.

My introduction to the concept of environmental racism came via the words of a Native American living on a reservation next to a hazardous waste dump. I learned about potential approaches to the multiple transportation, and childcare challenges faced by single mothers, from those women.

People can be experts on the issues related to the challenges they face in their everyday lives. If you need technical expertise seek it out. However, do not underestimate the wisdom of regular folks whose expertise has been gained from experience

The Game is Not Over: Bouncing Back from a Defeat

“Fortitude is the marshal of thought, the armor of the will, and the fort of reason.”

– Francis Bacon

Losing an election, a local council vote, a legal challenge, or failing to remove a barrier to the change you want to see can be discouraging, and emotionally draining. Rarely, however, does your opposition’s victory eliminate every opportunity for you and your allies to move your cause forward. To use a tennis metaphor, your loss may have been a point, or a game, or even a set, but it wasn’t necessarily the match. Here are a few things to consider once you’ve dusted yourself off and are ready to jump back into the thick of things.

Feeling Bad – Once a setback has occurred, don’t spend more than a few minutes feeling sorry for yourselves (OK, it may take a day or two). It is important to honestly evaluate your missteps and tactical errors. Don’t beat yourselves up for your mistakes. Learn from them.

Accepting Criticism – People may criticize leadership groups or individuals. That’s normal. Admit your own mistakes. Own your failures. Follow that up by reasserting your dedication to your cause and inviting a committed group of people to start planning your next action. You’ll do so with the confidence that you won’t make the same mistakes twice.

Reaffirming Goals – Remind yourselves why your goals are still important. Reaffirm your shared values with all of your allies. Don’t dismiss those who are not yet ready to jump immediately into direct action. Give them space, and let them know that they are valued, and they’ll be back when your cause’s energy builds again.

Cultivating More Leaders – Finally, remember that a leader’s job is not to find followers, but rather it is to create more leaders. Have one-to-one meetings with people who joined you along the way, who may not have been with you during earlier strategy planning. You’ll find more leaders, and more ways to articulate your messages, and make your case for change.

The fight is not over.

Leadership and the Dunning–Kruger Effect

“Useful men, who do useful things, don’t mind being treated as useless. But the useless always judge themselves as being important and hide all their incompetence behind authority.” – Paulo Coelho

terminar-rubik

In 1999, a couple of psychologists from Cornell University, named Kruger and Dunning, published some research findings* which essentially said that there is a tendency for unskilled individuals to overestimate their own ability, and a tendency for experts to underestimate their own ability. This incorrect self-assessment of competence became known as the Dunning–Kruger Effect. When organizing to effect change, this tendency creates unique challenges.

Over-Estimators

If someone has assumed a leadership role, the failure to recognize their own lack of skill, as well as the extent of that inadequacy, is a potential recipe for disaster. This is doubly problematic as the researchers also found that over-estimators also fail to accurately gauge skill in others.

I have written previously about emotional intelligence, and how people can develop their capacity for it. Similarly, I believe that people can train themselves to more realistically assess their abilities in a variety of skills. The fact that under-performance is accompanied by tangible evidence in the end, means that there is incentive for people to seek honest, realistic self-assessment.

Under-Estimators

The real tragedy lies with the under-estimators. Undervaluing your own abilities isn’t just sad and unfortunate on a personal level. It has an impact on group morale, commitment, productivity, and ultimately, success.

One strategy to overcome this challenge would be to use appreciative inquiry, or one-to-one conversations, to map the assets of individuals. People sometimes forget about skills and talents that they have, and require others help to uncover those assets.

If you have examples of how an individual’s over-, or under-estimating their own abilities has played out in you work, please share them in the comments below.

*Kruger, Justin; Dunning, David (1999). “Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The Fear of Being Called a Radical

“Seen from the point of view of a lie, the truth is often touted as radical.”

― Mango Wodzak, Destination Eden

One of the realities of organizing people to create social change, is the fact that there are people who would like to see change, but fear being seen as a “radical” for publicly calling for fundamentally different policies from the status quo. That fear is real, and should not be dismissed as a simple lack of commitment. The courage to act is situational.

The reluctance to be perceived as an agitator comes in part, from the branding by the media of extremism and zealotry, as ‘radical.’ It’s right-wing radicalism, and left-wing radicalism, and radical Islam . . . if somebody wants an idea to wear a black hat, they call it radical.

In reality, however, almost all change seems radical at some point. The American Revolution was instigated by radicals. A century ago, in the U.S., the idea that woman should be able to vote was considered radical. Civil rights leaders are considered radicals for insisting that we shouldn’t deny basic human rights to people based on arbitrary, human constructs such as race. Transformative change requires certain realities to be radically different.

“RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.”

― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary

Radicalism and zealotry do not inescapably go hand-in-hand. Some of the zealot’s actions (irrational violence for example) often defy logic, and frequently serve to actually undermine their own stated objectives. Rational radicalism is strategic. It is guided by logic and evidence. As Saul Alinsky said in his book, Rules for Radicals: “Radicals must be resilient, adaptable to shifting political circumstances, and sensitive enough to the process of action and reaction to avoid being trapped by their own tactics and forced to travel a road not of their choosing. In short, radicals must have a degree of control over the flow of events.”

When we look back at human rights leaders, suffragists, and the participants of great social movements in our history, we find “radical” people advocating for the militant notion that the humane thing, the fair thing, the moral thing, the ethical thing to do, was something for which they were proud to be labeled as “radical.”

Disagreements Among Friends

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”
– Mahatma Gandhi

Just because you have the same goals, doesn’t mean that you will agree with like-minded people about everything. People with shared values are going to disagree from time to time. These conflicts are not often about “deal breaker” issues. They are frequently based on cultural differences.

We have different communication styles. Some groups have different ways that people come to know things, or different attitudes towards disclosure. Not everyone prefers the same decision-making processes. Leaders have to be aware of these differences, and help figure out a way to choose effective strategies even if they differ from their own preferences.

Obviously, we can’t know all things about all cultures. There are no universal intercultural problem-solving methods. There are things, however, that are pretty universal:

People from all backgrounds want to be listened to and understood.
In every culture people respond to respect and disrespect.

Getting to a state where this becomes easier requires active listening, honesty and honest sharing. This may mean postponing an action or project until compromises have been negotiated.

Delays can be frustrating, but ultimately, the trust that has developed by taking the time to iron out disagreements now, will pay big dividends in the future.

All of this is easy if you keep a sense of humor. It’s amazing how a little self-deprecating humor can ease tensions when people are anxious over disagreements.

You Don’t Need a Leadership Course in Order to Lead

“Real leadership comes from the quiet nudging of an inner voice. It comes from realizing that the time has come to move beyond waiting to doing”
– Madeleine Albright

To get things done in this world you don’t need a credential, or a badge that says “leader.” If the world’s greatest writer wrote a book illustrated by the world’s greatest artist titled, How to Ride a Bicycle, it would be a poor substitute for sitting on a bike, finding your center of balance, and pushing on the pedals. We learn by doing. Leadership is no different.

Every time that you: A) imagine something being different, or being better than it is; B) decide to do something about it, either alone or with others; and C) act to make that change happen – YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING LEADERSHIP.

Leadership doesn’t require great scale. It doesn’t have to be obvious to everyone. Leadership is collaborative or distributed more often than it is positional. It doesn’t need to be heroic; it just needs to effectively move you toward a goal. You lead anytime you do things like:

have the courage to challenge someone’s racist or sexist joke;
accept responsibility for (and learn from) your failures;
do what is right, rather than what is easy (to paraphrase Dumbledore);
see the gifts and talents of others, and acknowledge them; or
listen with the goal of understanding – even when someone’s views or values conflict with your own.

Anyone who has a vision for something different and the desire to make that change happen can be a leader.

Risk-Averse Versus Risk-Taking

“The most important thing to remember is this: to be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become.”
– W. E. B. Du Bois

When your goal is to create change in the world, embracing risk is the foundation of leadership. Attempting to mitigate all risk out of an action eliminates any possibility that that action will result in substantive change.

Risk-averse people naively expect that success will simply to come to them. Risk-takers understand that success requires creative, strategic pursuit. Your goal is to get people to act, and wholeheartedly embracing risk is the only prescription for overcoming complacency, apprehension, and fear of failure.

Risk ≠ Recklessness. The desire for change is not just emotional; it is also rooted in logic. Risk is calculated. It is a carefully considered series of if/then statements that reach a conclusion that risk has a return on investment. Without risk, the logic model remains theoretical. Risk demonstrates people’s capacity to achieve a stronger, more vibrant society.

Somewhere along the line our concept the word risk became profoundly one-sided, framed primarily in undesirable terms. Don’t get caught in that mind trap.

risk
noun
1.
exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance:
“It’s not worth the risk.”
– dictionary.com

Risk is at the Core of Leadership

Be United
The idea of strength in numbers can make risk less scary. Leaders aren’t simply assessing risk on a personal level. They have locked arms with stakeholders sharing a common vision of what change needs to take place. Risks are shared as well.

Be Committed
Willingness to risk is a measure of commitment to values and to a shared vision of the change that needs to happen.

Be Creative
Willingness to risk is also a measure of creative thinking. If you can’t imagine a better future, it will never come about.

Be Radical
Transformative change is radical change. Ending slavery was a radical idea. A woman voting was a radical idea. Don’t be concerned about being seen as radical. Be concerned about doing what is right.

Life is a continuous risk-taking process that goes something like this: risk, success or failure, learn, and repeat. You are working to change something. Change is impossible without risk, and change is required to better people’s lives.

Excellence Versus Perfection

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That’s how the light gets in.”
– Leonard Cohen, Anthem

Table based on a poster from http://thebluecollarsuccessgroup.com/

There is not a great deal of conflict or controversy around this comparison as it relates to leadership. Perfection exists as a concept, but not as a practical reality. Good leaders encourage people to strive for excellence, not perfection. If you always wait for perfection nothing will ever get done. As psychologist and author Harriet Braiker put it, “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.”

In terms of leadership, both of excellence and perfection find themselves under scrutiny in the context of achieving success. Success is usually measured by comparison to others. Our most visible manifestations of leadership are in campaigns — contests for the public’s hearts, or their imagination.

If in these challenges our competition is excellent, then we have to be more excellent — we need to be perfect, right? No.

In his 1989 book, The Heart of the Order, sports columnist Thomas Boswell describes the difference between success and excellence this way:

“Success is tricky, perishable, and often outside our control; the pursuit of success makes a poor cornerstone, especially for a whole personality. Excellence is dependable, lasting and largely an issue within our own control; pursuit of excellence, in and of itself, is the best of foundations.”

If success is perishable, and perfection is unrealistic, then leaders in this “pursuit of excellence” are really part of an ongoing learning community, a network of people absorbing and acting on their shared knowledge and wisdom.

If we can agree that excellence is preferable over perfection, how can we make sure that excellence has substance? Look at the mission statements of nonprofit organizations, schools, and businesses. Apparently everybody is already excellent, because the claims of excellence are everywhere.

Maybe excellence is more of a constant reminder of betterment, of constant improvement, more than it is a state of being. Maybe the best way to achieve excellence is to maintain a modest intellectual curiosity, and an attitude that we want to learn something new every day of our lives.